I am so frustrated at him and angry at his wife. My dad worked hard for 64 years before he died. He fought himself out of desperate poverty~where he would hide at lunch because he didn't have one~to become a home owner and come into his marriage with enough money to buy 7 acres outright. He was married less than four years when he died and she got everything. Everything. She even was giving away his golf clubs before I stepped in and asked for them.
Upon his diagnosis, I am told, he was most worried about me and what would happen to me. He knew that I didn't have siblings and much family, he wanted to know that I would be emotionally (and financially) taken care of. His wife reassured him that I was family and not to worry. He didn't.
It has been two years since his death and my kids don't even know who his wife is. Augie hasn't even been acknowledged by her. I am just so disgusted I can't even see straight.
Her lack of compassion and empathy sickens me.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Love
I find myself murmuring softly to my children, "Grandpa would have loved you so much." I repeat it over and over, thinking that maybe I can get through to them how much they are loved. It pains me that they will never know him, never see his energy~calm when needed and child like when excited. He was always so thrilled when I arrived to visit him. Jumping around, carrying my bags in, grinning ear to ear. I was loved. Not having that unconditional love is one of the things that pangs the most in my life.
Christmas is nearing and the holidays without him don't get any easier. His loss has scarred me and I now have fear in my life. I fear parting from my mom or kids or friends and wondering if I will see them again. Sometimes I wonder if I have PTSD from him dying.
Georgia and Theo (ages five and three) are talking alot about death. We have developed the Lion King belief system where "the great leaders of the past become stars in the sky." They seem to understand this and I hope with all my might that it is true. At times I look to the sky, telling him how horribly I miss and love him.
Christmas is nearing and the holidays without him don't get any easier. His loss has scarred me and I now have fear in my life. I fear parting from my mom or kids or friends and wondering if I will see them again. Sometimes I wonder if I have PTSD from him dying.
Georgia and Theo (ages five and three) are talking alot about death. We have developed the Lion King belief system where "the great leaders of the past become stars in the sky." They seem to understand this and I hope with all my might that it is true. At times I look to the sky, telling him how horribly I miss and love him.
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