Obituary

As my husband finished up his nightly ritual of watching TV in the living room, I crawled into bed and turned on my IPAD. I googled my dad's name to find alot of John D. Linville's. I added "obit" and found him.

It made me alternately happy and sad to see his obit. To see the proof of his life and my subsequent pain of his passing. To see his smiling obituary picture, the very one that I didn't chose. A picture that was taken at his work, from his ID badge. A picture and moment that I wasn't a part of. Somehow I feel jealous of that picture. It reminds me of all the moments I wasn't a part of his life. It drives home the point that I didn't really know him. I knew him as the dad I visited on vacations and a couple extra times a year. Since the age of two, I can honestly say that I probably never saw him more than six times in any given year.

What I did know was a man who had hundreds of people at his funeral. A man that those who worked with him, said made them laugh. A man who embraced me, my friends, my children, and my husband with love and encouragement. A man who loved animals and friends and quiet times spent reading.

I am left with googling his obituary to feel closer to him. It feels cheap and awkward, but in the end, I will take whatever I can get.