As I put the horses away tonight I felt the bitter twinge of loneliness. I paused and wanted to wrap my arms around myself, just to feel a sense of a hug from my dad. I so wish he could have seen our home, met our son, been longer in my life. I miss him.
I looked to the summer night sky, listened to the birds chirping, and longed for some sign. Just one sign. Any sign. I wish I could have experiences where I knew he was here. I need him and miss him and just want a bit of reassurance from my father. Life feels so lonely without him. Lonely and desperate.
I can't imagine living another forty to fifty years without him. I hope to, but it feels bleak and I am jealous of families who have time.
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