Oh my, the holidays and feelings of missing my dad hit me at the most unexpected times. Tonight I was at the salon getting my hair colored and cut, when tears began forming in my eyes.
There I am, sitting in the chair with my head bent back into the sink, stylist scrubbing the dye out--and I began thinking of him and how I can't believe he is gone and how I miss him and how horrid life can be without him.
The stylist said, "Are you doing okay? Just zoning out?" and I cleared my throat and with a chirpy voice replied, "Yes, just relaxing!"
What can I say? Sometimes the pain surprises me on how close it is to the surface.
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In other news, this is the first year I didn't send a Christmas card to his wife and her daughters. I may choose to take the high road and send one, but it didn't go out with all of the others. I am so disappointed in how she has treated our family (last year sent one DVD--Smurf's movie for Christmas) and her lack of awareness. My dad died having bought the land she lives on, leaving a time share, and stocks, and car...and she sent one DVD to his grandchildren.
She isn't a generous person, and that hurts. She isn't an attentive person, and that hurts. Some younger child version of myself finds surprise that there are "grown ups" out there who can be so thoughtless. I sometimes get trapped in thinking that as people age, they evolve and grow and become better extensions of themselves.
She has taught me otherwise.
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