Imagine

Kate, my oldest child, has declared that she wants to be a doctor. My dad would be so proud of his granddaughter. He was always proud of her and I wish he were alive to see her coming into her own person, to see her on her own path.

It is funny how life works out. I had Kate as an eighteen year old community college student teenager. I am certain he was shocked, disappointed, afraid, and even angry. He never told me these feelings, but I am sure he felt them. He watched me move in with my daughter's father, leave him, get engaged to another man, leave this man, struggle 8 years through college, work nights as a waitress, and probably worried the entire time about how she and I would turn out.

He never told me he was worried. But, boy, the tears he shed when I graduated first from community college and then again from a University and then again from my master's program---well, those told me how proud he was of me. I am so thankful that he was able to see my accomplishments. See me get married (finally!) and work as a teacher and have more children. He was able to hear that his granddaughter was a straight A student and that she joined various teams and was brave and coordinated and thoughtful.

He loved us both. And he laughed heartily at the energy my second child possessed. She was a different cloth entirely and he enjoyed her zest.

I only wish he could have seen more. Lived and died with the peace of seeing how it all unfolds. Seeing all of his grandchildren get educations and begin their lives. It pains me that he didn't see more.

Despite this...with a deep breath...

I must remember that he saw enough. He saw my graduation and financial independence. He saw my marriage and glimpses of a future life with my hardworking husband and abundance of children. He got to see a future for me that I imagine entailed my new roomier home (he left off with 5 people in a 3 bedroom, 1 bath home) and Kate attending college and my 'zesty' children growing up.

I imagine he saw my smiles and much peace around me.