Cruise Talk

I spoke with my dad last night and he wanted to share his good news...

He went to OHSU yesterday for a scan and found that not only has his main tumor not grown, but it may have shrunk a bit as well. He was very excited by this news.

I say that "he" was very excited because I had to feign enthusiasm. I should be more heartened by this news, and I suppose it buys him time, but I feel so saddened everytime I talk to him. It is painful hearing him search for words or thoughts and whole sentences. It is painful to constantly talk about the cruise. It seems to be the only thing he can talk with me about and I just want to scream, "Cruise be damned...let's talk about something real!" Or, maybe I just want him to talk about how much he loves me and how I will be okay in the end. Remind me that I am strong and wise and good...and I will survive this. Make me feel better, please. Because I don't feel very well right now.

Talking to him on the phone seems to be difficult for him. He gets easily distracted and a bit confused. He says that it takes all of his "faculties to concentrate and walk, let alone talk." I was impressed that he said "faculties" and took that as a good sign. He is excited to show me all of the cruise pamphlets and discuss the cruise. Everytime I call he wants to talk about it, go over which deck I am on, etc.

I will be seeing him this weekend and will update with more information and pictures next week.